i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
