so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
