that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
