i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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