Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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