some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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