Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
