It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
