I just made out with a guy for $7.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
