I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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