Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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