I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
