I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
