Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
