addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
