i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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