So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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