Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
