Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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