I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
