Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
