I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
