Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
