Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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