Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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