So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
