Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
did i just pee glitter
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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