hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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