WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
