he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
