He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
