I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
