all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
