Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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