Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
