Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
