There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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