never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
