In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
