you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
