Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
