If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
