it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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