I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
