I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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