you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
