broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
