Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
