Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
