you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
