you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
