my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
