your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
