Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
