Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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