Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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