Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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