1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
