You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My cat gives me a boner
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
