No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
