New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
