so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
